What is Pre-elder Abuse?

What is Pre-elder Abuse? (Yes we went there...)

Pronunciation [pree–el–der uh–byoos]  (Noun) See also: financial grooming

We all know the word for the tragedy, after it happens. We call it elder abuse. It’s a staggering reality that affects one in six older Australians, and in two-thirds of those cases, the perpetrator is a family member - the Predator on the Couch.

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The Power of 'Pre' and Why We Need to Name ‘Pre-elder abuse’

So what do we call the state of the world before the crisis hits? (Because we all know that the very worst of  human behaviours don't just arrive unannounced). They evolve over time from somewhere and they leave footprints.

What do we call that awkward, grey zone where an adult child constantly ‘borrows’ money they never intend to return? What do we call the moment a friend starts testing your financial boundaries, relying on your emotional connection to extract yet another financial handout?

We all know the feeling. We feel the churning in the stomach just thinking about it.  We may feel annoyed that we've been backed into what can feel like an emotional corner, or we may feel taken for granted at best, or taken advantage of, at worst.

Lawyers and scientists didn’t have a word for that awkward, grey zone, so we built one. It’s called Pre-elder abuse.

This March 2026, the Australian government announced the release of the long awaited National Plan to End the Abuse and Mistreatment of Older People 2024-2034

It's a 10-year Australian strategy focused on preventing and responding to elder abuse. It aims to ensure older people feel safe, valued, and respected through a human rights-based approach. The plan targets financial, physical, and emotional abuse by addressing ageism, strengthening legal safeguards, and increasing community awareness.

The report also identified, ‘that current terminology is inadequate for fully capturing the diverse experiences of elder abuse’.

We all must do our part to make the world safer for the vulnerable

At Sapience, we realised there was a gaping hole in our language. And we understand that to solve a problem, you must first be able to accurately name it. That's why we have defined a new category of risk: pre-elder abuse.

It's time to step up and change the narrative and change the world around us

Australians are actually pretty good at change, when we have skin in the game. Let's look at one of the biggest attitudinal transitions in Australian society - taking on the old outdated idea of the bronzed Aussie with the new terminology of SunSmart.

The Power of the ‘Pre’

In Australia, we have a world-class approach to skin cancer. Today we don’t wait for a skin melanoma to metastasize before we act. We check for signs regularly, just in case. We look for the pre-cancerous sign. We talk about the ‘Power of Pre’ - primary prevention through slipping on a shirt and sloping on sunscreen. We catch the danger in its ‘pre’ metastasis state, recognising that leaving a small mole, a rough skin patch, perhaps an uncomfortable spot unaddressed, is a choice to risk the future with an aggressive skin cancer.

At Sapience we believe that pre-elder abuse is the ‘sunburn’ of a personal financial life. It's the early warning sign that, if left unmanaged, can metastases into relational cancer that will hollow out our children's future as well as our own - and here's why.

Diagnosing Gateway Behaviours

Pre-elder abuse rarely starts with a crime. It starts with low-level coercive behaviour. It can start with the intentional act of asking for money with no genuine intention of repayment. It then moves to small boundary testing. It's a strategy that relies upon your love and your history to bypass your common sense.

The early warning markers often include:

• Unconscious Immaturity: Borrowers who, despite being in their fifties, regress to the emotional state of a toddler when interacting with their parents, expecting unconditional provision without responsibility.
• Inheritance Impatience: A polite way of describing an ugly sense of entitlement where heirs pressure parents to release funds prematurely, often driven by the rising cost of living and housing stress.
• Financial Grooming: A gradual process of building trust or isolation to ensure the older adult feels dependent or too ashamed to say ‘no’.

Why Repayment is the Real Battle

The issue is never really about the request for money; it is about the opportunity cost it represents. Earning money requires a person to exchange part of their very life - their time, their freedom, and their presence with family and friends. When a loan repayment is ignored, it isn't just a financial loss; it is a profound act of disrespect for the quality of life you traded to earn the money.

The Bizarre Twist

Asking for your money back often triggers defensive animosity in the borrower.

• They use anger to mask their shame, turning the lender into the ‘villain’ for simply maintaining a standard.

That's one of those uncomfortable spots, you could say.

Learning to Move from Vulnerable to Proactive

If you don’t proactively learn to define your own spending culture and financial boundaries, the world will happily assume they don’t exist.

Just as Australians have worked to normalise the language of consent and personal agency in our social lives, we must develop a new vocabulary for our financial ones. The stakes are high: Relationships Australia reports a staggering 64% of relationship stress is driven by money. Any financial advisor worth their salt will tell you that money immaturity is the default setting for many folks and the early indicator that any financial inheritance or windfall will be shortly lived - an issue that often goes politely unaddressed until a crisis hits.

True financial capacity isn't just about math; it's about knowing how to manage our impulses and expectations. We all understand children are born full of intense emotions and none of the skills to regulate them. Good parents teach that skill to growing children. And the best time to build any skill, is long before you actually need it.

Yet, for too long, we’ve used the excuse that 'talking about money is rude', to justify leaving the next generation financially illiterate.

It is time to break the silence and start treating financial maturity as the essential life skill it truly is.

Have a Plan for Your Money

To protect your good intentions, we recommend three ‘SunSmart’ steps for your money:

1. Define Your Values: Be explicit about what your money is for. If a request for your money doesn't align with your goals, ‘refusal offends’ is a price worth paying to keep the peace.
2. Document Everything: Never ‘give’ large amounts of money; always ‘lend’ it payable on demand through a documented Family Loan Agreement. This creates a legal ‘antibody’ that protects the money from unexpected future relationship breakdowns or bankruptcy.
3. Identify the Strategy vs. The Need: Recognise that many people try to meet emotional needs (like belonging) with expensive financial strategies (like bailouts). You can’t solve a psychological regression with a chequebook.

Build a Legacy to Last

Just as we learnt to normalise the Slip, Slop, Slap movement to protect our skin, we need a new vocabulary to protect our elders and their grandchildren from weathered outdated expectations.

pre-elder abuse, we break the pathway to exploitation. We allow families to begin to have early, honest conversations about money matters, rather than accusatory ones.

Don't wait for the pre-skin cancer symptoms to become a crisis that never had to be. Make a plan for your money and remember that the easy-to-catch ‘Pre’ checkup saves us all.

Drew Browne is a specialty Financial Risk Advisor working with Small Business Owners & their Families, Dual Income Professional Couples, and diverse families. He's an award-winning writer, speaker, financial adviser and business strategy mentor. His business Sapience Financial Group is committed to using business solutions for good in the community. In 2015 he was certified as a B Corp., and in 2017 was recognised in the inaugural Australian National Businesses of Tomorrow Awards. Today he advises Small Business Owners and their families, on how to protect themselves, from their businesses.  He writes for successful Small Business Owners and Industry publications. You can read his Modern Small Business Leadership Blog here. You can connect with him on LinkedIn.  Any information provided is general advice only and we have not considered your personal circumstances. Before making any decision on the basis of this advice you should consider if the advice is appropriate for you based on your particular circumstance.